"The Pathless Path" by Paul Millerd
I picked up this book because I had heard it mentioned several times over a period of time -- mostly by co-workers and tech friends who had read it and were (sometimes dramatically) rethinking their relationship with work and reflecting in general. In that process, several of them ended up leaving their jobs. I picked up this book wondering, am I about to quit my job? (Spoiler alert, I'm not.)
So what is The Pathless Path? I would sum it up as a memoir of one person's experience going from a stable "should" job to freelancing and travelling as part of dramatically re-evaluating his relationship with work and life. Here's (part) of the actual description:
This Pathless Path is about finding yourself in the wrong life, and the real work of figuring out how to live. Through painstaking experiments, living in different countries and the goodwill of people from around the world, Paul pieces together a set of ideas and principles that guide him from unfulfilled and burned out to the good life and all of the existential crises in between.
The Pathless Path is not a how-to book filled with “hacks”; instead, it is a vulnerable account of Paul's journey from leaving a path centered around getting ahead and towards another, one focused on doing work that matters. This book is an ideal companion for people considering leaving their jobs, embarking on a new path, dealing with the uncertainty of an unconventional path, or searching for better models for thinking about work in a fast-changing world.
I'll admit I found myself resistant and raising eyebrows as I read through this book. I didn't find the author super relatable, and I didn't feel that he adequately acknowledged the privilege in his journey and the story he was telling. The phrase "survivorship bias" was in my mind the whole time. I found the book itself winding and repetitive, and hard to find a footing in. Reading it was more like sitting in a feeling -- a "pathless" reading experience (which may be poetically intentional, who knows).
Anyway, this book has been extremely impactful and life-changing for a lot of people -- while it didn't land exactly like that with me, there were definitely pieces I found useful. Particularly the overall thread that active reflection and being intentional with your time and your life is vital. As I've gotten older I have a lot less tolerance for extreme binaries, and I reject the binary of the "pathless path" and the "default path". The author even describes himself as "Default Path Paul" and "Pathless Path Paul" -- as though you can only be one or the other.
Knowing your priorities in life
The author wrote down his priorities for his life -- health, relationships, fun & creativity, and career, in that order. I see parallels with my number one priority in my life right now, personally, being health. I think reflecting on and re-committing to these priorities consciously is a valuable exercise.
"What does a miserable life look like?"
Part of the book describes this exercise -- reflecting on "what does a miserable life look like?" That was one I hadn't thought of before. Facing a blank paper of "what does my ideal life look like?" can be daunting. It's an interesting exercise to go at it the opposite way.
The list
The book ends with a list of actions, and I think most of them are great.
- Question the default.
- Reflect.
- Figure out what you have to offer.
- Pause and disconnect.
- Go make a friend.
- Go make something.
- Give generously.
- Experiment.
- Commit.
- Be patient.
The one I take issue with is "commit", depending on what you take it to mean.
"Many people falsely think that escaping work is something worth aiming towards. I thought this at first but realized I had only thought about work as the things you do within a job. What I really wanted was the opportunity to feel useful and to do things that challenged me to grow. This is why I believe that the "real work of your life" is searching for the things you want to commit to and that make your life meaningful. Once you find them, you can dedicate your time to creating the environment to make those things happen."
This goes back to the whole binary "Default Path Paul" and "Pathless Path Paul" thing. I'm very resistant to the framing that you're either like, a total cog the wheel, or doing "the real work".
It was interesting to read this with the context of the last 5-10 years of the painful deconstruction of what was sold to millennials -- "do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life." "A college education is a sure-fire ROI." I feel like there's been a reset against that -- you don't have to love your work. It doesn't have to consume you -- either positively or negatively. But you do need to have the other thing or things -- the things that light you up. For some people, sometimes, that is work. I admit I'm enthralled and a little jealous sometimes of the folks in tech who have a seemingly infinite, inexhaustible and innate awe and curiosity. I enjoy parts of tech -- I enjoy building for the web; I enjoy code and problem-solving. It's how I found myself on the path I'm currently on. But it doesn't define me. It's not what gets me up in the morning. There doesn't have to be "one thing".
Takeaways
Be thoughtful, be purposeful, reflect often. I love that this book has sparked reflection in the people I know who have read it.
Cover image: By Rhamely